By Nathaniel Nelson
There are a million reasons we all love listicles: 1. they’re the best, 2. they’re better than all the rest, 3. everything is inferior to them, etc…. The listicle is a beautiful thing, like a warm blanket made of Mindy Kaling GIFs. Below are some of the best of the best; the listicles that sit atop the grand listicle of listicles.
Buzzfeed is warm, Buzzfeed is mother. We are not worthy, we who are listicle-less, O sweet Buzzfeed. I shall eternally suck the sweet beads of perspiration from your cool listicles until the sun dies, and therefore fails its utmost duty—to illuminate the Buzzfeed headquarters on East 18th Street in Manhattan, U.S.A. All hail!
What better way to commemorate the leaders of the human race than a good ol’ fashion listicle? When you think about it, isn’t a politician’s platform just a boring listicle? In 2050 every presidential candidate will present their policies in listicle format in their attempts to pander to the age 50-75 demographic.
Oh ha-ha, good one “Yolanda Reid Chassiakos,” if that even is your real name. You know, I made a listicle once—it’s called “3 reasons why Yolanda Chassiakos can go suck an egg”: 1. She’s probably just the worst in person, 2. I bet she’s the kind of person who never lets you get a word in at parties and just talks on and on about nothing, and when you try to pretend your friend is calling you from the other side of the room she sees right through it and calls you out so you just have to sit there forever, 3. For tarnishing the listicle art form with her dark, jaded outlook on life.
There is no person on the planet who could dislike anything about a listicle about Twilight. Every single human loves listicles and every single human is a Twilight fangirl, former or current (or future, for those yet unborn). I have never in my life met anyone who you couldn’t perfectly file under both of these descriptions, and there’s no way I ever will.
Friends of Friends
My mom’s favorite listicle on the internet. She gave it two thumbs up, and said it was “so funny.” My mom is super nice so you can take her word for it.
Nathaniel Nelson (N8) is a filmmaker and writer.
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